Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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