I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
