Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
