alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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