I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
youre lurking in front of me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
