My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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