So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
