Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me too!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
