What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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