24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
