ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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