i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
