goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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