At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
