My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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