Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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