Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
