That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize