so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
