Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
