you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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