you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
