hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
