barbara walters just said penis...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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