i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
