Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
