when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
