It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
