I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He better not be in your backpack
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
