I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize