I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
