no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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