Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
