No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize