Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
