It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dad just said "fuck circus"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
