The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
