genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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