just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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