Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
