The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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