We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
