IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
