You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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