so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
