Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
