Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
