No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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