I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
