I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
