he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
