we're blogging at a bar
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
