I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
