Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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