So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
