Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
