Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
