This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
