genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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