How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
