He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
