I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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